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My trip to my grandma's made me homesick

Well, I do love going to my grandma's and it's definitely beautiful out there, but being away from home, my friends, and most of all my boyfriend was not easy. I remember telling him that I'd probably only be able to call once, but I missed him soo much that I snuck the phone into my room and called him every day at least once, sometimes even up to four times in a day. The long-distance bill was probably ridiculous. I was surprised that I missed him so much. Sleeping alone was horrible. Now that's something that I've grown used to though. Boy do I wish I could go back to my grandma's now. Being homesick and missing my cutie pie. Talking to him each night right before I fell asleep. I would love to have even just that again. That loneliness was soo much better than how I feel now. I wish I could feel homesick like I did when I was up there again. Now I just feel so alone, hopeless, and lost. I feel like a lost little puppy caught in a storm searching desperately for the one that used to love and care for it so profoundly.

My favorite line from 'Good Will Hunting'

You'll have bad times, but they'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to.

The movie was recommended by someone I love very much, and this quote help to shed some hope into my life.

Why Can't I Breathe Whenever I think About You?

I don't know what it is about you,

I just can't let you go,

Everywhere I go,

Everything I see,

Reminds me of you.

It's sad that those five minute phone calls with you make my day.

You are the only thing that can always 

light up my life.

Please, please get out of my head.

I need a minute with thoughts not filled of

wanting you,

missing you,

needing you,

and most of all

loving you.

I hurt. I hurt a lot. Maybe its just the current situation. Maybe it's PMS gone overboard? Maybe I'm really starting to go crazy?

I don't know.

All I know is that this HURTS down to the very core of my soul. It hurts more then it's ever hurt before. And it's consuming every bit of me.

I do know for a fact that it is the week before my period. I do know that I get emotional, depressed,and upset, but I don't have anyone to turn to right now. It's taking all my strength just to exist, to hold back the tears, to stay sane, to go on...

...to just.get.through.this.day.

Help.

Common Sense to the Senseless

What has happened to people's common sense?

I hate when people don't want to listen to an explanation. They automatically get annoyed and assume your lying or complaining. Even if there was no logical reason whatsoever to lie. I always hear people out. Sometimes I get frustrated and try to interrupt, but for the most part unless I'm completely sure of what had happened, I will believe them. Maybe this is a fault of mine, but it's better than those people that automatically assume they are right. On top of it they won't even listen to see, that maybe, just possibly, they were wrong.

I wish they would; they could learn so much.

From Moments to Memories

I'm stuck inside those memories.
I'll never forget those moments.
These memories never seem to fade.
There's so many days I will never forget.
You were the best part of my life.
You still are for that matter.
It's all probably nothing but a memory to you.
I hope this isn't true. Most of the things that I say are wrong, and I really do hope this is one of them. If it isn't though; please don't let those memories fade away.

I want you.
I love you.
I need you.
How come the smallest things always seem to have the biggest impact?
Those little words matter so much.

Tonight I'll go to sleep with thoughts of you on my mind; if I sleep at all that is.
When I do drift off into that slumberland; those dreams will be of you.
It seems as if every minute of every day is spent thinking of you.
The thing is, I don't want it any other way.

If I had one wish, it would be to spend the rest of my life with you, another cliche.
It's just so true.
If I could have this one wish I could forever have moments,
wonderful new moments with you.
Not these memories.
Anything but these memories.


Every night I dwell on those memories.
I really did picture you that way.
Sitting in my back yard.
I remember staring into your eyes.
I remember feeling that cool night air.
I pictured us sitting there,
talking, laughing, crying
laying together on that white chair.

I'd do anything to turn back time,
Back to the days when you were mine.

Somehow those moments turned to memories.
Every day before I sleep,
I find one.
I go back to that wonderful moment in time.
I find myself in blissful peace,
playing through it all,
just to finish and realize what it was,
all just a memory.

How do these moments turn to memories?

I know it sounds dumb, but somehow I still believe you and me were meant to be.