Sunday, March 8, 2009

My trip to my grandma's made me homesick

Well, I do love going to my grandma's and it's definitely beautiful out there, but being away from home, my friends, and most of all my boyfriend was not easy. I remember telling him that I'd probably only be able to call once, but I missed him soo much that I snuck the phone into my room and called him every day at least once, sometimes even up to four times in a day. The long-distance bill was probably ridiculous. I was surprised that I missed him so much. Sleeping alone was horrible. Now that's something that I've grown used to though. Boy do I wish I could go back to my grandma's now. Being homesick and missing my cutie pie. Talking to him each night right before I fell asleep. I would love to have even just that again. That loneliness was soo much better than how I feel now. I wish I could feel homesick like I did when I was up there again. Now I just feel so alone, hopeless, and lost. I feel like a lost little puppy caught in a storm searching desperately for the one that used to love and care for it so profoundly.

Friday, March 6, 2009

My favorite line from 'Good Will Hunting'

You'll have bad times, but they'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to.

The movie was recommended by someone I love very much, and this quote help to shed some hope into my life.

Why Can't I Breathe Whenever I think About You?

I don't know what it is about you,
I just can't let you go,
Everywhere I go,
Everything I see,
Reminds me of you.
It's sad that those five minute phone calls with you make my day.
You are the only thing that can always 
light up my life.
Please, please get out of my head.
I need a minute with thoughts not filled of
wanting you,
missing you,
needing you,
and most of all
loving you.

I hurt. I hurt a lot. Maybe its just the current situation. Maybe it's PMS gone overboard? Maybe I'm really starting to go crazy?

I don't know.
All I know is that this HURTS down to the very core of my soul. It hurts more then it's ever hurt before. And it's consuming every bit of me.
I do know for a fact that it is the week before my period. I do know that I get emotional, depressed,and upset, but I don't have anyone to turn to right now. It's taking all my strength just to exist, to hold back the tears, to stay sane, to go on...